I made £3,850 last month. £3,350 in December. About £1,700 in October and November. £700-ish in September.
For context… I had a baby on July 30th, and have had no formal childcare (other than the odd visitor and taking calls after Dad came home from his full time job).
I just peeked into my finances, because I was feeling I wasn’t earning “enough” lately.
And yet…objectively that’s a lot. Especially for how much I’m working (~8 hours a week).
I could add disclaimers as to why this isn’t impressive (namely that a chunk of that more recent income is from renting out my flat in London, aka it wasn’t something I “worked hard” for).
I could also add a comment about how most of it is one-off revenue (aka not something that is recurring).
But most of all… I am frustrated by the fact that I have not earned in any area that I have actively & consciously tried to market / sell around since giving birth.
I have to laugh at myself, because I KNOW that my financial success in life has always been built on a series of seemingly random, lucky events. Every time I try to strategize… every time I have a deep desire to earn money in a certain way… nothing materializes (at least in the short term).
In other words, any time I invest in a new venture / skill / offering - it takes years to have any substantial monetary return.
The universe likes to work in mysterious ways, as we know. So of course as I have found myself contemplating my money story over the last few weeks, I sold a copy of “The Job Change Secret”.
Just before giving birth, I put a fair amount of time and effort into creating self-paced offerings for recurring topics that I had worked with coaching clients on.
I was hoping that while I was off on maternity leave, people would buy these Secrets. That instead of having to trade my precious time (and spend it away from my baby girl) I could magically earn money through templated guides & jam packed video content.
I sold a few of the courses before I went on maternity leave but absolutely none since.
Until yesterday.
And I literally have no idea who this person was who bought it. I equally have no idea where they found this link to purchase, because I had taken it off of my main website pages.
Just a super loud message from the universe saying yet again… “you cannot choose how to earn your money”.
What it said to me was, “the money will always find you”.
Ever the frustrating message to receive. To lean into this luck that I have always possessed in my career and resulting finances.
It diminishes my talent and skill.
It makes me feel that it’s not me that’s worth the money. Me that has value.
But what it’s really saying… is that the fact that I exist is enough. Financially and otherwise.
A huge huge huge huge priviledge, and yet the ever present thorn in my side.
There to remind me that I must realize that my worth is not tied to my monthly, quarterly or annual income.
My worth is in simply existing.
And the universe will be sure to support my continued, flourishing existence as it always has.
The only thing I need to worry about is what I should be saying yes to, and what I should be saying no to.
As financial (and just general) opportunities come my way, if it doesn’t take me closer to “the dream” I need to be brave enough to say no.
Because by saying no, I’m saying yes to the future opportunities that are more aligned. Yes to time with my baby girl. Yes to time with friends. Yes to time for exploring. Yes to time with my partner. Yes to time for learning. Yes to time for me.
And most importantly - yes to my energy.
So while it’s scary to lean into accepting that my life is built on luck … I have a big HECK yes to being valued for simply existing. For allowing my life to work for me, rather than me for it 💫