I’ve just sat down at a cafe alone - baby is off with granny at mom and baby yoga. I have 45 precious minutes of baby-free “me” time. And the first thought I had to myself was, “what can I get done in this time?” 🤪
All I can do in these moments of awareness is smirk and surrender. We have been hard wired to be productive for years and years. The unconscious thoughts like the one I just experienced occur hundreds of times a day without us even realizing. They are not our fault, and yet it is our responsibility to respond in ways we wish to.
I have one particular recurring unconscious thought that has encircled me for a lifetime. One that I have become incredibly intentional about over the past few years.
The idea that I must have a worthy return on every investment. Not only a return on my investment, but a return that warrants the energy I am required put in.
From the simplest of things - such as going to grab a cup of coffee. I’m willing to walk 5-10 minutes for that caffeine fix. But not 15-20.
Or on bigger things, like in signing up to take coach training (for £800) I made a promise to myself to earn enough in income from coaching to pay it back in 2 years time.
But these are fairly concrete trade offs. Time for a good. Money for a high value skill.
Ironically, the place I started to struggle in determining if the return on my investment would be “enough” was in starting The Unproductive Club.
Would enough people join for it to be worth starting?
Would I earn enough money for it to be worth starting?
Would the connections be deep enough for it to be worth starting?
Enough enough enough. Oh how this silly little word has plagued me.
And finally - everything shifted for me in this regard when I read The Soul of Money, by Lynne Twist about a year ago.
In reading the book, I realized I needed to do something concrete to help overcome this “I should have a big enough return on my investment” unconscious thinking. I needed to define what enough literally was. Both in life, and in The Club.
So I went about doing just this.
Enough meant having at least 2 people join a monthly gathering The Club has.
Enough meant being an integral part of 100 people’s lives each year - clients, friends & family alike.
Enough meant earning £60,000 annually.
Enough meant accomplishing 1 creative project a quarter.
Enough meant taking a course when my body said HELL yes.
Enough meant grabbing a coffee whenever it felt convenient.
All of a sudden, in operating from a place of “what is enough” … this question of a worthy return on my investment ceased to exist. And what I became free of, was two things:
The ruminating thoughts. I no longer tossed and turned over decisions. I had a definitive guide to what I wanted to say yes to, rather than what I “should” say yes to.
The guilt. I no longer felt I needed to do more than I had outlined. The of a future return on investment morphed into a present return on investment.
In both cases, I saw I was able to live more existentially almost immediately. I lived in the present moment, and for the present moment.
And coming back to me right now, being “productive” in this coffee shop. Everything about writing this was a yes in this moment. I didn’t have to ruminate. I didn’t feel guilty.
And here the words are, pouring out of me. I feel uplifted. The return on my investment I’m experiencing is given to me right now. In the form of energy. Instead of waiting for the future return on investment old Kelly might have hoped for - a number of subscribers, reactions or comments.
In releasing this “should” you also likely unconsciously hold to some degree, you’ll find your world becomes a whole lot less daunting.
Spoiler alert: it’s because you no longer need to be strategic. Instead, you begin to see that operating receptively is safe. And curiously, leads to more success. The definition of success that only you can define….
… more on that later 🙃
xoxo
Kel
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If you’re keen to learn how I define what is “enough” in my life, enjoy my “Good Enough” Secret exercise at your leisure (use the code THECLUB for 20% off).