I was wondering lately — why do people feel like I have it all figured it? Why am I the person with the wisdom?
Because let me tell you I most certainly don’t have it all figured out. I am making shit up just like we all are. I often feel confused, overwhelmed, tired, impatient, bored, frustrated, hasty, bitter… to name a few.
I chose my sentence structure carefully there. You’ll notice I didn’t say I am overwhelmed. Instead, I often feel overwhelmed.
This isn’t news — many a psychologist will tell you that your emotions are not you. You experience emotions, rather than being them.
They will also tell you emotions are signals. Emotions are telling you something, and to welcome them rather than bury them. This is a notion I often include in coaching sessions with clients and it is indeed extremely powerful.
But unpacking psychology isn’t the point of this story. Because while yes I agree with the psychology of today in this sense… I have even something better.
Something that nobody taught me, but something that has been inherent in me for as long as I can remember.
My emotions can give me feelings. My emotions can be my signals. But more than anything — my emotions guide me towards my purpose.
Let’s bring it into the tangible.
I am often *very* tired as a new mother. On a good night, I usually sleep from 10:30p-3:00a, feed Mia, and then sleep again from 3:30a-6:30a. This can very easily be 10:30p-3:00a and then just 5a-6a if I take a long time to fall back asleep. One night of this would be fine, but now coming up 8 months of this objectively makes me very tired.
And then, I go and chase around my little early crawler / climber / wobbler around the house for 10 or so hours (she doesn’t really love her daytime naps, as fate would have it). Again, I am objectively very tired.
All other mothers are likely nodding along. They get it. And they may or may not feel defeated by it - it depends on the woman. Some of us want this phase to hurry on up and be over and done with, and some take great joy in it and hope it will last forever.
Often people say those who are the latter are woman where motherhood becomes their world - the kind who only talk about their children and those who would quit their jobs happily to stay home if they could.
I find this interesting, because I do not fit into either of these descriptions. I do not want this phase to hurry on up, but I also am not such a one-dimensional woman with a laser focus on her daughter.
This dimensionality has many other life parallels, too.
For example, I am objectively successful. I have enough money to last me for a decade of reasonable-expenses living. I have a smattering of cool companies on my resume. I have created a coaching business from scratch. I’ll stop there 🙃
Most successful women are likely nodding along. They get it. They may or may not feel proud about how far they have come - it depends on the woman. Some of us want to hurry on up with haste to the next level of success, and some of us take great joy in the place we’ve worked hard to get to and hope we will be happy here forever.
Often people say those who are the latter are woman who lost their ambition - the kind who aren’t taking advantage of their full potential. That slowness is incorrect.
I find this interesting, because I do not fit either of these descriptions. I want to enjoy the level of success I have achieved, but I also am not ambition-less or using less than my full potential.
In fact, I feel staying steady in a moment of success has activated an aspect of my potential I didn’t even realize was within me.
Motherhood has forced me to “pause”. To appear as if I have lost my ambition. It has made me objectively tired beyond anything I knew was possible.
And yet I have more energy than I have ever had, and I have activated a deeper level of potential than I ever thought possible.
How?!
What helps me — is that this current level of success, this current moment (motherhood, owning my own business, working 10 hours a week, living in Portugal, etc, etc, etc) is all of it is serving a bigger purpose.
No aspect of my existence is “just a task to do”. (Okay, maybe the dishes are truly just a task 🤪).
Almost every single moment of every single day is full of depth, wonder & possibility. Every single moment of today is tangibly fueling my next chapter.
Every moment with Mia is fuel for a my future childcare business(es).
Every moment of discomfort in motherhood is fuel for coaching other women.
Every moment I spend, earn, save or invest is fuel for creating an incredible experience in The Money Spa.
Exhausting, yet scintillating.
Being Mia’s mother already gave me 1000% purpose. But having dreams that align to my present, the near term AND the long term? Well that gives me something well beyond purpose.
That gives me magic.
This magic is what allows me to overcome my physical tiredness, overwhelm, frustration … and so on and so forth.
This magic is also what allows me to tell society to bugger right off when it tells me I should be “using more of my potential” and do something other than start a childcare business.
Because the only person who gets to decide what all of my potential is, is me.
As I always say - know yourself, so you can be yourself.
Being yourself is what creates a life of magic. It’s what brings meaning to your life beyond compare.
Gone is striving for “purpose” as in saving the world like Ghandi or Mother Theresa.
What we need to strive for, is magic.
Magic being you holding steadfast in knowing your contribution to your world. Being who you need to be, rather than who you desire to be. The community maker, shaker or innovator you simply are. The stay at home mother. The woman who doesn’t want children. The woman who creates home grown products for just a few people. The woman who creates a beauty brand that changes the industry.
Being yourself creates *your* magic.
And *your magic* is exactly what the world needs.
Freakin’ great post Kelly. Hands down and massively inspiring 🛸💫