How to do #girlmath… Womanhood edition
[Written October 8, 2024]
Hi friends —
In this Energy Recipe, Kelly shares her two guiding principles for her version of #girlmath. Because here at Womanhood, we love a good trend – but only if we can implement it in a way that benefits our energy.
This newsletter is for those of you who have heard of or are curious about money dysmorphia – something Money with Katie show recently covered. Read on, because if you know Kelly, she is fierce in how she fights her own limiting beliefs – and her relationship to money is no different.
Is it worth it? Let me work (for) it
I set the intention almost one year ago to feel like I have more than enough money.
And for those of you who have been following along, you might chuckle at even reading that statement. Because you know I have more than enough. To the tune of a $1.5m net worth (and yes, it is really difficult to confidently write that still… but practice makes perfect, they say!).
And while in many ways I’ve relaxed into my privilege over the years (cringing again at the fact I didn't celebrate nor tell a soul about the day I became a millionaire)… I simply cannot seem to overcome a cardinal rule of financial responsibility:
I have not been able to get comfortable spending more than I earn.
The toxic thing here – the girl math worth talking about – is that the way I define earnings is “money deposited into my bank account by a company or individual for services rendered each month”.
Basically, if I don't put in my blood, sweat & tears – the money doesn't count.
::cries in Spanish::
"Why oh why are you selling your soul to the productivity devil, Kelly?!" you might ask.
I DON'T KNOW is the sad answer.
But what I do know, is that putting pen to paper on my relationship to money is the only way to figure it out.
girl math
This all came to a head when I was obsessing over "wasting" money each week that we decided not to attend my daughter's £12/session soccer practice.
When last quarter, I earned ~£30,000 from consulting work and ~£50,000 from my investments. Plus any appreciation on my home's value, interest on my savings accounts or growth in my angel investments.
Why was I obsessing over £12?!
So, as any responsible girlie does, I took my unhealthy thoughts to my therapist who specializes in EMDR therapy.
For those who don't know, EMDR is a type of therapy where you talk less + reprogram early childhood memories more. My cup of tea.
If you've done EMDR therapy, you know it's weird. And you know you can't judge whatever comes up, and the fact I'm sharing this means I trust you not to judge me. So – what came up in my EMDR session was… of all things…
Oprah.
Yes, the legend herself. And the advice I got – the image that is still seared into my mind – was to give it all away. Just like those episodes where Oprah goes “you get a car” to everyone in the audience … to heal myself of this toxic relationship to money I had to give it all away.
And before you think she meant give away my money – you're wrong. I had to do something far harder. To relieve myself of this scarcity mindset programming… I had to take it, and transfer it to someone else.
I reacted quite poorly to this initially. I could not imagine taking the burden of tying my personal value to my net worth and bestowing it on even a potentially deserving soul. But then, the shift arrived.
I could blow my scarcity mindset into 1,000 tiny fragments, giving 1,000 people just a portion of my burden. AND I could wrap it in a red envelope that included the gift of my financial prowess. Something that far outweighed the now relatively small burden inside.
And so the next day, I did this. After dropping my daughter off at nursery, I gave each person I passed on the walk home 1/1000th of my scarcity mindset inside a envelope stuffed with my financial literacy and skills.
As I did, electric shockwaves coursed through my veins (as only my fellow eso queens understand). A clear sign that my white magic was working.
Now, two months later, I still have scarcity-filled thoughts, but I don't obsess over them.
My financial philosophy – and the girl math I am choosing to live by – boils down to these two things:
investing with no clear path to return produces the best results
money only has value when it is spent
Every single (potentially) obsessive thought can be dispelled by grounding into one of these two sentences. And this is the girl math that matters.
Because I hate that I even had to write myself this newsletter. That with a net worth of nearly $1.5m I can somehow have my mind see scarcity rather than abundance. That I can waste precious energy on wondering if missing a £12 soccer practice is justifiable.
And yet… maybe it’s because nobody is talking about this that I feel this way (or, maybe you’ll hate me for it 😅). So here I am, writing into the void about it. Either way – I hope it makes you feel something.
Because I feel something. I feel the overwhelming desire to buy the plot of land in Indonesia and simply go. Leave all the title chasing, people influencing & money saving behind. To be able to retire from trying to figure this all out – and instead tend to my community. This community. To live simply but sweetly. To feel grounded and energized.
Will I ever have the courage? I hope so. Because if I can’t muster it up … I don’t know who will 🧚🏼♂️