One simple system to improve your mental health
[Written March 14, 2024]
Hi friends —
No fluff here today. It's time to get down to business. Specifically to start to running your home like a business. And like any good business, a home should have tools & systems that support it.
Martha Stewart may have inspired our mothers to cook & decorate – but in this Energy Recipe, Kelly will be teaching the women of today a single process that makes running a home like a business aspirational.
Because a strong foundation for your home is what allows you to have less mental tabs open in your head. When you stop winging it – and instead systematize it – you will finally feel like you have won. Plain and simple.
The monthly energy audit
Ladies. I have a lot of feelings as of late. For many reasons, but a big one being that there are SO many of you who in the last few weeks have told me you are overwhelmed, frazzled and more importantly – uninspired while at home. At the extreme end, some of you have said that you miss your children dearly when you're apart… and then also seem to wish away the time when you're together.
I have so many feelings in hearing this because I have also felt that way (even if it pains & somewhat saddens me to admit it). But I can also proudly say – I no longer do, and large in part thanks to myself.
A bit of backstory for you before I dive into the goods: I've experienced what I like to call “situational depression” over the years. In moments I'm well overdue to quit a job, I fall into a persistent low mood. Or when I'm living in a city or neighborhood that no longer feels like home, my brain really struggles to access the amount of dopamine one requires to feel motivated. These situations have happened enough times in my life where I can now spot when my environment or daily rhythms are interfering with my mental wellness, and I know that something has got to give.
Having the awareness is step one. But uncovering what action you need to take to fix said situation depression can feel like being asked to climb Mt Everest (especially so given the lack of dopamine).
After needing to do this 4-5 times in the last decade (and well before I was a trained coach), I've refined a simple tool that was also incredibly supportive for me just a few months ago – and one I believe will be supportive for you in your present or future, too.
Because when this latest situational depression hit me like a ton of bricks… it was as my little one was about to turn 1 year old. And I could not frickin' believe it. I think I found myself saying no no no no no out loud as the lightning bolt of awareness shot through me. My baby cannot be a cause of my unhappiness!
I was in firm denial for a few months. I couldn't quite comprehend how could being a stay at home mama felt the pinnacle of my life's work in one moment and almost… uninspiring the next?
With enough time having passed, I can now see the psychology of what I was experiencing. When we realize we need to “change” things at home – especially with children involved – we are needing to support to our heart, mind, body & soul all at once through an evolution. A revolution, if I'm being dramatic.
And if you're going to be leading a revolution, you must be able to see the forest from the trees. You must be able to zoom out and get perspective, communicating the mission to the troops on the front lines.
Perspective is what my Energy Audit delivers.
Now… I want you to go easy on me here. I'm choosing to bare the inside of my brain and have not edited my last month's audit at all before including it here. Because on the 20th of each month I sit down and break down each and every aspect of my month prior (I usually go look back at my calendar to see what I have done) and think through my days in a very critical and objective way.
What I ended up with last month… was this:
If you choose to read the whole thing - bravo to you! The too-long, don't read of it is that I write down all of my activities, rank them in frequency, time taken & how life giving they are on a scale of 1-10.
I'm very careful to tease apart activities many women would lump together. So instead of saying “playing with Mia” as one single line, I have separated it into local activities, playing at home, adventures, playdates, etc. Having an insight into what specific aspects of playing with her excite me (or drain me) is critical to being able to adjust life to feel more inspiring.
After I do this exercise, I sort each of those columns in ascending and descending order and try to spot patterns. Last month, I ended up with 6 takeaways after doing so:
🧚🏼♂️ Prioritize landing work -- make the funnel more enjoyable to allow for this (specifically prospecting, selling & converting)
🧚🏼♂️ Create time to prep for specialized play with Mia
🧚🏼♂️ Nap, garden, write creative prose & solo walk with Leo more
🧚🏼♂️ Keep playdates to afternoons
🧚🏼♂️ Cooking dinners in the moment is not working - plan ahead & have healthy fallback options
🧚🏼♂️ Only take Mia & Leo for walks, or to the area of the park that is easy to manage
I also spotted an additional 5 systems level opportunities:
💫 Pay for an at-home toddler activity subscription
💫 Subscribe to a food recipe service
💫 Automate grocery ordering on Ocado
💫 Outsource / automate my lead gen by hiring a PR professional
💫 Add another morning of nursery
Now you can start to see here… I am sprinkling business woman energy into my home life. I thought it would feel gross to bring such a masculine energy to what to me feels like feminine aspects of my womanhood, but in fact it is always incredibly satisfying, life giving & fun!
Results wise: I can tell you now (one month later) that I've successfully implemented the 6 items in bold. After all, a single woman can only do so much in just one month (and with only 15 hours of childcare per week 😛).
But the real impact of this Energy Audit is that I feel in control and optimistic about the state of my home life. I don't feel trapped. I don't feel stuck. These are the emotions I also felt when I knew I needed to quit my job at Uber but I didn't know how to walk away from the boatloads of equity I was tied to. Or when I was wasting my life away sitting in traffic & pretending to care about celebrities while living in LA and knew I needed to find a more down to earth, dense urban environment to root into.
Leaning into our less-than-ideal feelings about our family life is really, really yucky. I hope that next time you sense you're not your best self, my Energy Audit comes to mind and it can move you from feeling trapped, to seeing potential.
And as always, I'm curious to hear about you! What are your systems to energetically thrive? The ones that feel are a little too crazy to share publicly (akin to my spreadsheet), but systems or life hacks that you know others could benefit from. So if you'd like to share, here's your open invitation to let me know what keeps your mental health & energy flying high.